One of my new favorite books is “5“, by Dan Zadra. It’s a great book for any dreamer who hasn’t yet gotten around to doing. The book isn’t just meant to be read, it’s filled with questions and activities designed to help figure out what you want to do over the next five years of your life. Among the nice touches are inspirational quotes from people large in stature and small, including this gem, author unknown:

Each morning he’d stack up the letters he’d write…tomorrow. And he thought of the friends he would fill with delight…tomorrow. It was too bad indeed; he was busy each day, And hadn’t a minute to stop on his way; “More time I’ll give to others,” he’d say…”tomorrow.” But the fact is he died, and faded from view, And all that he left here when living was through Was a mountain of things he intended to do…tomorrow.

Why wait until tomorrow?

I will most likely archive in a non-public location previous writings. While this goes against my belief that blogging is a form of journalism, and no journalist gets a chance to change the past, I feel a clean break is the best approach. I’m not issuing any retractions, just no longer making content available.

Let me be clear: I love what I do. I enjoy programming and have thoughts for new things all the time that would be fun spare-time tasks. But I just have other outside hobbies and interests that I enjoy spending time on as well. It’s not that I check my programming hat at the door: I just put on my food hat (and wine hat, and Boston hat) over it when I’m not at work.

Speaking of work, it’s worth repeating that any topics I discuss here are a reflection solely on me and not any company or organization I’m affiliated with.

As a tip, I recommend first turning the cake out onto the wire before you assemble the rack. I didn’t have a cake disaster, but I could easily imagine such a thing happening.

And the cake was delicious to boot, even though it came out a little dry. Turns out a stick of butter and four cups (!) of Confectioner’s Sugar with a little cream and vanilla extract will make a mighty good frosting.

Mm, engineering solutions in the kitchen.

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“DOUBLE CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM”

1. Chocolate cream
2. Milk
3. Salt
4. At least 3 bags of ice
5. A pack of Oreo cookies
6. If you have one, an ice cream maker
7. If you don’t have one, then you can’t make it

First you take the ice cream maker, and turn it on. Then you put the ice in there (the ice cream maker) and put the salt in. After you put the salt in there you let it go for awhile. And you have to watch it for awhile. Wait and watch it. Then you put the cream in and let it go for awhile. Then you put the cookies in (Mom accidentally made this by using too many cookies.) Okay, wait and watch it. Then put it in the freezer for a few days and after those few days are over you can serve it. Now you’ve got double chocolate ice cream!

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Let me be clear, I don’t expect society to be full of waiflike, please-eat-something teens and twenties who look as though they’ll fall over in a stiff breeze. I’m perfectly aware what normal body weight looks like, and the deviations from the norm that any population will have: five, even ten pounds over I’d still tally as normal. But there’s slightly overweight, and then there’s fat. I wouldn’t be writing about something so humdrum as the former, would I?

As I sat to board yesterday, I lost my appetite at the sight of rotund bellies spilling over straining beltlines. Which reminds me, if you’re going to be fat, at least be a proud fat person: wear a muumuu, or at least some jeans that fit.

Look, besides the obvious health, socioeconomic, and intelligence reasons, I have no problem with others being fat: even though this land was made for you and me, I don’t mind if you take up just a little bit more of it. Just don’t overdo it, OK? What I do have is a serious problem with those people who think their fatness is the result of something out of their control: lack of time to exercise, lack or proper diet, lack of restraint.

It’s outside the scope here for me to talk about any valid points contained in these whinings (though there are and I promise to talk about them at a later date), but by and large it’s a crock of crap: you got yourself into this mess, you’re going to be the one who gets you out of it.

I used to be a fat person. Not morbidly obese; just a good fifteen pounds past the point of bodily safety. I had 90% of a double chin. And I was horribly depressed about it. Depression plus poor self image should be a clear motivator to change. I couldn’t. In fact, any stupid fat fad diet usually ended up making me heavier in the long run: the math speaks for itself. Losing five pounds and then gaining ten results in a net of… anyone?

Then I went in for some routine bloodwork. And the doctor let me in on a little secret: I was going to die. Much sooner than I needed to.

That’s a pretty good load of motivation juice, if you ask me. I worked off thirty pounds in four months. And kept it off. Much more cheaply and having much more fun than one of those fad books could ever instill in me.

Fad diets aren’t called fad because they last forever. If fads lasted forever, you’d still be taking care of your pet rock and your Tamagotchi.

So here’s a simple formula that gets omitted from every Atkins, South Beach, GutBuster, SugarMaster, and whatever hell else they call those fad diets:

Calories Out > Calories In.

That’s it. That’s all you have to remember. No “40% sugar, 30% protein…” junk. No “less than 3 bad carbs” schlock. What the hell is a bad carb anyway? Just write that formula above every where you have food: your fridge, your snack drawer, your pantry, your grocery list. Burn it in your forehead backwards and eat in front of a mirror if you have to. The calories you take in should be less than the calories you put out. Simple.

Here’s the fun part: You don’t have to restrict your diet at all. There’s absolutely no food off-limits. Want to eat an entire pound cake? A bag of Fritos? Two pieces of KFC? No problem, thunder-thighs: just remember that you’ll be working that off later. Fortunately for you, jogging an hour would work off one of those. You can jog for an hour, right? For what it’s worth, sitting on your computer for about fourteen years would work off one of those too. So it can be done.

Don’t feel like running an hour? Don’t have the time? It happens. Guess what: apples fill you up and are low in calories. So does salad with a teaspoon of dressing. They make the tops of those bottles smaller than the rest for a reason, smart guy. Water works really well too, and that’s completely free, calorie-wise. Vegetables are excellent.

Remember that I said you could eat anything you wanted? That’s for the runners. Lazy people who can’t find an hour in their day to run or walk do not get to eat anything they want. But that’s OK because nature has still given you loads of tasty things that work. You’ve just been a hamburger-munching toolbag for so long, your tastebuds that like tomatoes and apples have taken a siesta. The only way to wake them up is to use them.

In closing, here’s an extension of the formula, written as a balanced equation.

I do have time in my schedule to run = I can eat shitty stuff.

Which of course, yields:

I do not have time in my schedule to run = I cannot eat shitty stuff.

Holy shit! This is really just math and formulas, huh? Tell that to the schmuck in Philly who tried to wedge his girthsome body into the seat on the plane next to me. Reduce the square area of your ass and things will be much improved.

Never Stop Learning — Whether you’re seeking to
advance in your career or to simply explore your interests, learning
new things can be a wonderful way to keep life interesting. Learning
something new doesn’t always that you need to take a formal class. It
can be as simple as picking up a newspaper and reading all the stories,
not just the ones that interest you. Learning new things can open you
up to new possibilities and ideas you hadn’t previously considered, and
this practice could expand your outlook on life.

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