A light…
Why is it that everything I write lately feels so foreign, the click-clacks under my fingers out of place? I am restless; I cannot sleep, the product of a late nap and caffeine. I pluck out the words from the darkness. To claim I have had little to write about would be a lie: I am, at heart, a writer still, now and always. My life streams from pens and keyboards. To claim I have had little time to write is also a lie, though striking closer to the truth. I’ve been bee-busy since October. But, I feel the biggest reason I haven’t written is just how unsure I am of sharing things.
One of the most fascinating things about reading a blog is the glimpse into other peoples lives. In the blogosphere, the human condition unfolds, decoded from the ever-flowing bitstream. The kids were a handful today…I’m so frustrated with my boss…omg, does he liek me?….
There is a great balance in the world of the blog. At once, everyone and no one is your reader, your friend, your crying-shoulder, your advice-giver. The great thrills I’ve had in writing have been the strange and random readers who step into the light, ever so briefly, and weigh in on the humdrum I write. But, I know that for every reader that steps forward, 10? 100? stay in the shadows, reading.
I don’t think this makes me paranoid. I’m merely calculating that there exist roughly 1259 people out there who have read my blog and think they know me. I wonder how many of them know me, in the same sense I know myself. What have they learned from my writings? What’s the impression my written voice projects out there into the universe?
What I’m trying to say is, I don’t think I want to write about myself anymore. This flies in the face of what I’ve been taught: write about what you know best. The thing I know the best is myself. And while introspection is good, the most important part of introspection is the personal nature, the privacy of self-learning.
I apologize for the ramble. Again, it’s late. If you feel like you need to weigh in on this, give my self-esteem a boost and leave a positive but honest comment about me. Anything will do. (After all, I’m done writing about me, that doesn’t mean you can’t)
