Writing
I’m more or less disgusted with myself in the past week. I kept (or keep, as the case may be) putting off writing something for an essay contest I’d like to enter. The deadline is tomorrow, Friday. I’ve got an idea, but I don’t think I have time to write it. And I’m really annoyed about it. What I really need is a shift in the way I do things. I don’t get a chance to write much anymore (if at all) because it requires so much energy to start and an equal amount of energy to maintain. I know, it’s a cop-out to say that. Frustrated is the word that comes to mind first.
As much as I’d love to get away from my daily life and read and write, I just can’t do that. Writing is the escape for me, not what I’m trying to get to. Unless there’s a major change in my lifestyle (read: no more bills), I don’t see myself becoming a professional writer. Then again, I don’t really know what I see myself doing, so who knows?
Tangentially… I wonder if seeking balance is such a good thing, creatively speaking. It may be good for your chi, but there’s nothing in the center. I try to balance between happy and sad, solitude and company, work and play. When I move to far in one direction, I snap back towards the center. If I am too lonely, I seek company. If I’m too melancholy, I seek mirth. But having balance leads invariably to boredom. (Warning: Engineer speak follows.) If all we do is follow a sine wave, going from bliss to sorrow, from productivity to laziness, we develop habits. Eventually we lose steam; eventually, our sine waves dampen to a flat line.
There is comfort in the center of life, to be sure, in that warm feeling of routine, of normalcy. But life is more than that center, that sweet spot, that creamy nougat filling. It’s breaking things, taking risks, adding a kick every now and then to that sine wave that defines life. Flaubert’s maxim was “Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.” I used to agree with that, but now I’m not sure. I believe more that your experiences should define your work, that some semblance of the human spirit, as you see it in your daily life, should make its way into your passages. Harness the creativity around you and channel it when you write. Put down all you see, both good and bad. Don’t aspire to be merely regular and orderly in your life. Be extraordinary, and original, and your work will follow.
But what do I know? I’m just a frustrated writer who can’t make a deadline.
